Sometimes, I forget what I manifest. I work with the moon when I manifest, and during the last New Moon on January 29th, 2025, I manifested peace. I wanted peace in every aspect of my life. Peace in my job, with my kids, in my relationships, a whole-life peace.

I realized this as the Full Moon arrived yesterday. Sometimes, to receive what we ask for, certain things must go. My attachment caused me to ignore and hold on to things that were robbing me of peace and stealing my energy. Some things transformed because I could shift my perspective, while others were cut from me entirely.

I’ve met so many people along my path who have been hurt by love, or by love that was once present but then taken away. But when you reflect, how would your life look if that love had stayed? I realized that, despite the love I had, we were on different levels, different paths, and operating in different realms of existence. Had I stayed, my life would never have been full of peace; instead, it would have been filled with chaos and heartache.

I have an inner voice that tries to guide me. The frustrating part is that it isn’t loud. It’s calm, peaceful, and quiet. I need mental peace and a peaceful environment to hear it. Sometimes, I can tune out noisy places, but if the space I’m in causes anxiety, I know my mind is shifting into fight-or-flight. In that state, I cannot hear my inner voice.

I process things intensely and immediately. I let my hurricane of emotions rage so they can be released. I do not deny what I feel, but I try my best to control my actions. This week, I tried to hold on, then completely cut off communication. He did the same, which made it easier, even if it hurt immensely. During those moments, I embraced the little girl inside me. The one who felt abandoned. That’s where my attachment anxiety comes from.

My life has been nothing but chaos for 41 years. I turn 42 this year. That is more than enough chaos for one lifetime.

When I was with Aaron, it was mostly peaceful. We could meld into the safety of each other, and that peace allowed my nervous system to relax. I had never experienced such tranquility. I needed that experience to understand what peace even felt like. And when it left, I needed to reassure that little girl inside me she is loved and that peace will still be hers.

My new boundaries are all centered on peace. If you bring emotional chaos and imbalance into my world, you will be asked to leave. If you cannot face who you are and heal, grow, or love yourself fully, you will be asked to leave. To sit at my table, you must have first sat at your own inner table.

I have been through enough. I deserve friends and lovers who will meet and exceed me because I will never stop, not until I die. I will always challenge people to step into who they are and to love and accept every part of themselves. I will always challenge people to be better.

I am grateful that the fog lifted last night, allowing me to reflect on my actions and decisions over the past year. Today, I can breathe and think clearly, free from grief, free from anxiety.

Full of peace.