Author: DragonflyRose
I live in Maine with my son, daughter, dog, and cats! I am a myriad of things and emotions. I love all that I am and all that I encompass, and I want the same for everyone else. I hope to inspire and to always keep growing! You can follow me on Instagram @thehippiegypsee or at my business DragonflyRose.com
Never Truly Alone
Last year, I cut out almost my entire friend group. At the beginning of February, I found myself single again. I was in complete solitude, facing emotions that were ripping my heart apart. I had to learn how to nourish my own soul. I had to learn how to wrap my heart in comfort, alone. I had brief online conversations and interactions, but ultimately, I withdrew into myself. I had to.
As I slowly opened up, venturing out and reconnecting with friends, I realized something. When I talk to people, I gain a deeper understanding of myself. I am able to quiet the parts of my mind that whisper, Maybe it is in your head. Maybe it really was not that big of a deal. I started questioning myself, questioning my morals and my values. If I am completely honest, I still am at moments.
We need people to help us process the chaotic world within our minds. Sometimes, our thoughts are just our mind’s way of trying to hold on. But I am learning to let go a little more every day. I heard a psychologist say that if you still think of someone before bed and first thing in the morning, it can take six to eight months to truly let them go. That truth resonates with me. I do not think it will take that long, but I do know it will take more than a month.
One of the biggest internal debates I have had is about maintaining friendships with people I have had a sexual relationship with. I am not talking about casual social media acquaintances. I mean close friendships. In my experience, if a friendship begins as purely platonic, it must stay that way to remain truly and deeply platonic. Once intimacy enters the picture, the dynamic changes. It is never quite the same. Period.
If someone has had sex with most of their friend group, there needs to be serious contemplation about why they struggle to let people go and why they cannot maintain friendships without sex. Being friends with someone you have shared that level of connection with carries an underlying sexual energy and tension, something deeper than just friendship. This kind of friendship is not one I can maintain. I feel too deeply about people.
As I write this, I feel the truth of it within me. For me, intimacy of that nature is meant to be shared between partners. It is a sacred bond, which is probably why I could never embrace the idea of sleeping around. It is why I form attachments to every person I sleep with. These revelations about myself make it clear how careful I need to be about who I allow to touch my body, who I allow to join with me in this way. It is crucial for me, and it is a lesson I have finally learned. Sex is beautiful, but not at this cost.
When I am alone and not holding onto someone, I am able to hear my own inner voice and feel the deep peace within me. A friend recently told me that I help make sense of the chaos and that my peace brings him peace. That made me realize something. My purpose is making sense of chaos, and my gift is helping others find the peace that already exists within them. It is not my job to keep doing this for others, but I do feel called to teach people how to make sense of their own chaos, how to listen to their own inner voice, and how to recognize what they are feeling is them.
I am not entirely sure how I will accomplish this yet, but I know it starts with my own inner work. It starts with listening. By being true to myself and honoring the morals and values I hold in this life, I will eventually attract people who share the same. I will cultivate deep friendships. And one day, I will attract my divine counterpart.
Until then, I will lean into myself. For I am never truly alone because I am always here.
Going BareFoot Volume I
Going BareFoot Volume I Sneak peek and explanation on pricing
Coming April 1st, 2025
In a World Full of Sheep, Be a Banshee.
I woke today at 3:30 AM EST with words flowing from my soul. I had a revelation: as much as I am here to teach my daughter; she is also here to teach me.
From my very first breath, I have been suffocated by expectations and responsibilities. I was born a grown-up, and my inner child has been fighting to play my entire life. I am sure we all know the scene. A young child about to go down the biggest slide they have ever seen. It looks terrifying, yet they see the joy on the faces of those who have gone before them. They sit at the edge, gazing down, caught between horror and wonder. The chance at extreme joy. With the support of friends or parents cheering them on, they take that first plunge. Maybe they even go down with someone. The exhilaration. But they are not ready to go alone just yet. They need a few more tries with support. Then, finally, they let go and find themselves enjoying the ride alone. Full of passion, adventure, curiosity, freedom, and confidence.
This is what children teach us.
I have been fighting my conditioning my whole life, and only now do I fully realize it. Healing is not complete until we can see the entire picture. My generation was raised by people who came from harder times, and they were raised by people who had even harder times before them. As the years go on and we advance in technology and understanding of our natures, life becomes easier. But we fear that ease. We judge it. We judge this generation just as the previous generations judged us. Instead of fearing it, we should celebrate it. We should be happy that the new generations and the ones to come will have an easier life.
I think we, as adults, need to take a big step back and reflect on how we treat the young. The mental illness and sadness we see? That is on us. We are meant to guide them, not mold them into our image. They are here to teach us how to live in these new times and we are here to guide them to know themselves and learn all we have learned. But it is their choice of what they take on their journeys. Because that journey is theirs, not ours.
I have had people in my life who have cheered me on, but because I did not love myself, I could never take the leap to fully live the way I wanted. I did not have the confidence to voice what I truly desired for my life. But those days are long gone. Today, I feel renewed, especially in my perspective and energy with my kids. I am but a drop in their ocean of experiences. Their life is not mine and they need to live it for them.
They will get hurt, and I will be here, supporting and cheering them on. But I will also take the hand of my own inner little girl so she can be free, so she can be a child, so she can live a life full of whimsy and adventure.
I am learning so much from my confident and passionate Ruby. I scream the death cry of my old life and I step into my new one, fully and open-heartedly.
It’s Okay ♡
Today, I feel light. I feel free. I feel at ease.
This feeling may not last, and that’s okay. Today is my day of it’s okay.
This morning, I wrote a poem for Going Barefoot Vol. II: Pieces of Me.
How often do we place ourselves in a space where we think what we’re feeling is wrong? What if, instead, we shifted our mindset to: It’s okay.
I’m realizing that it’s okay to have conflicting thoughts and emotions at the same time. For example: It’s okay to want a partnership and also want to be alone. I am wildly independent, yet I haven’t fully allowed myself to be. The moment I’m doing well, I tend to attach to someone.
I know I don’t need anyone, and where loneliness once held me, I now find a dear friend.
Yesterday, while watching a movie, the main character quoted philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre: “If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company.”
For so many years, I denied myself my own company. Now, it feels like coming home. I am my own best friend, and that brings me so much peace, joy, whimsy, and completeness.
I hope you are all embracing yourselves and finding joy in your own company.
Happy Monday, everyone!
Walking Into a New Life
I have been thinking about my limitations and the ones I place upon myself. I feel my mind, body, and soul urging me to release any chains that bind me. There are paths I am contemplating, yet part of me still wants to maintain control. There are parts that cling to a way of thinking that has crippled me, keeping me in a space of self-protection, afraid of getting hurt.
One of the biggest things on my mind is societal standards around our bodies in every aspect. What I consume, how I change and shift, what I choose to share, and the boundaries I set. I am putting more thought into every action I take than ever before. Part of me wonders if it is because I do not want to repeat past mistakes or if I have realized that my impulsive tendencies need to stop.
I need to slow down and take things easy. To take my time. To truly think and feel things through. I need to manage my emotions, not react from them, but listen to what they are telling me and decide with careful thought.
Lately, I have felt so light and free that it almost seems like I am in a dream state. I have walked so many paths in this life, and now new doors to new experiences and a new life are opening before me.
I am ready to step through.
Manifesting Peace
Sometimes, I forget what I manifest. I work with the moon when I manifest, and during the last New Moon on January 29th, 2025, I manifested peace. I wanted peace in every aspect of my life. Peace in my job, with my kids, in my relationships, a whole-life peace.
I realized this as the Full Moon arrived yesterday. Sometimes, to receive what we ask for, certain things must go. My attachment caused me to ignore and hold on to things that were robbing me of peace and stealing my energy. Some things transformed because I could shift my perspective, while others were cut from me entirely.
I’ve met so many people along my path who have been hurt by love, or by love that was once present but then taken away. But when you reflect, how would your life look if that love had stayed? I realized that, despite the love I had, we were on different levels, different paths, and operating in different realms of existence. Had I stayed, my life would never have been full of peace; instead, it would have been filled with chaos and heartache.
I have an inner voice that tries to guide me. The frustrating part is that it isn’t loud. It’s calm, peaceful, and quiet. I need mental peace and a peaceful environment to hear it. Sometimes, I can tune out noisy places, but if the space I’m in causes anxiety, I know my mind is shifting into fight-or-flight. In that state, I cannot hear my inner voice.
I process things intensely and immediately. I let my hurricane of emotions rage so they can be released. I do not deny what I feel, but I try my best to control my actions. This week, I tried to hold on, then completely cut off communication. He did the same, which made it easier, even if it hurt immensely. During those moments, I embraced the little girl inside me. The one who felt abandoned. That’s where my attachment anxiety comes from.
My life has been nothing but chaos for 41 years. I turn 42 this year. That is more than enough chaos for one lifetime.
When I was with Aaron, it was mostly peaceful. We could meld into the safety of each other, and that peace allowed my nervous system to relax. I had never experienced such tranquility. I needed that experience to understand what peace even felt like. And when it left, I needed to reassure that little girl inside me she is loved and that peace will still be hers.
My new boundaries are all centered on peace. If you bring emotional chaos and imbalance into my world, you will be asked to leave. If you cannot face who you are and heal, grow, or love yourself fully, you will be asked to leave. To sit at my table, you must have first sat at your own inner table.
I have been through enough. I deserve friends and lovers who will meet and exceed me because I will never stop, not until I die. I will always challenge people to step into who they are and to love and accept every part of themselves. I will always challenge people to be better.
I am grateful that the fog lifted last night, allowing me to reflect on my actions and decisions over the past year. Today, I can breathe and think clearly, free from grief, free from anxiety.
Full of peace.
Savage Woman from Going BareFoot
Savage Woman from my book Going BareFoot that is coming out April 1st, 2025!
My Bipolar Day
Sometimes my mind wages a battle against my heart, trying to convince me it doesn’t, or shouldn’t, feel something. My logic seeks to solve all my problems, believing that balance and happiness lie in rationality. This causes a lot of anxiety within me, and at times, I struggle to get it under control. I must face the truth that I am heartbroken, and I need to allow myself to feel that. Not to act on it, not to try and reclaim what’s lost (even if that were possible), but simply to sit with the emotion.
Yesterday, I tried to convince myself that what I felt wasn’t real, that it was just my need for connection. But today, I have realized that I truly loved him, more than I have ever loved anyone. And the pain that has come with cutting him completely out is intense. I believe we love others to the depth at which we love ourselves, and my love for myself is immense. This experience is reminding me to be careful with whom I share my heart and my life because when I love, it soars through the heavens and expands bigger than the Universe.
Grief is a strange beast that ebbs and flows like the tides of the ocean. I recently saw an incredible representation of how grief cycles through and out of our lives: a glass of red wine placed under a running faucet. The clear water slowly mixed with the deep red, diluting it. It took longer than I imagined for all the wine to disappear. That is how grief works. It is gradual, unpredictable, and even after the water runs clear a stain remains on the glass. A lingering lesson, a reminder of the pain that comes when I fall in love. Even if I do find the right person someday, I will still lose them to death. That pain will be even worse than this. If I am being honest, that thought scares me. But maybe it should scare everyone. Maybe then we would treat love with more respect. Treat each other with more respect.
I am not sure I want to go through heartache like this again. But maybe it is still too fresh, and I just need to stay present. By staying present and taking care of myself, I am finding it easier to navigate everything. I took two walks at work today. I also started a new chapter in my Sera novel. I thought it was finished, but there was more that needed to be written. The words flowed effortlessly, perhaps because I am no longer denying my emotions, even if they make me feel bipolar. Even if they make me look crazy to the outside world. She’s happy, she’s mad, she’s sad, she’s happy, she’s complaining, etc. Maybe the world needs to see that. Needs to see what actions do to people.
We try so hard to keep everyone comfortable, to avoid making a scene. But I think it needs to be seen. Otherwise, how do we change? How do we become better? I know that when I see I have hurt someone; it makes me reflect on my own toxic behaviors. I think everyone needs to reflect.
Anyway, these are just some fleeting thoughts from my chaotic day where I traveled through stress, anxiety, sadness, anger, and happiness, all while dreaming of what I want next in this life. So, I guess what I am really saying is that I am proud of myself. Proud of finally taking care of myself in the ways that I need.
True Self-Love Comes Through Solitude
Cardin told me last week that he couldn’t understand why I was so upset because, in his view, genuine love takes years to develop. A huge part of me resisted that idea. I believe that when we come from a mutual space of self-love and completeness—with no dependency—we can truly love another person right away. But I was not coming from a place of true love and completeness within myself. I got caught up in believing that this last was finally real, that I had finally found the one.
Upon reflecting this morning, I realized that what I had experienced was not true love, but a dependency rooted in my deep need for connection. I also recognized that he could never have truly loved me either, as he was coming from a place of self-loathing and his own dependencies. Our connection, as beautiful as it was, was born not from genuine love and respect but from an attempt to fill something we felt was missing in each other’s lives. You cannot truly love another if you do not fully love yourself.
I now understand my purpose in this moment, and I know why I must embrace solitude. I feel a deep call to help others learn to love themselves, and this is a goal I am now pursuing with all my energy. But to truly guide others, I must first strengthen the bond I have with myself. I know solitude will be excruciating at times, but these are the moments in which I must nurture my own inner support and love. That way, when I enter my next union, it will come from a place of wholeness and not from a need for someone to fill something within me.
This has been a hard week, yet it has also been one of deep soul-searching and untangling from people who were draining me. I have filled pages and pages of my journal and had multiple breakdowns, but today, I feel free. My path is clearer, and I no longer feel sadness over what someone else is doing. I am free to work my magick, to create the life I desire, and to eventually help others on their own journeys toward self-love, self-acceptance, and living authentically as their complete selves during their time on this planet.
I’m not sure why I’ve felt the need to share everything I go through and experience. I think it stems from the fact that when I scroll through social media, I see so much pain. I see people struggling—to find themselves, to find purpose, to find meaning, to find love. The relationship I have with my inner world is now beautiful and strong, but it wasn’t always this way. I come from a past of deep self-loathing and abuse, both from myself and others. It took me a long time to reach this point, and while I still have a long journey ahead in many areas, I am excited for what’s to come. I hope my vulnerability and raw’ness inspires the same growth in whomever reads what I pour out.
Anna Marie 