self-compassion – Anna Marie

Last night was not a good night for me. My son needed to be rescued from some difficult circumstances, and my attachment got the best of me. I found myself reaching out, grasping at whatever connection I could get ahold of, grasping for answers, grasping for validation. All I ended up doing was prolonging my suffering.

I have a hard time with loss. Losing love, or more so, losing connection. This morning, I realized how my attachment was causing me to put pressure on the people I love. My kids, my partners, my friends. I saw how much I was wanting from another person instead of simply enjoying their presence.

Last night, my ego took control for a few hours, and I was not the best version of myself. I lost control and found myself wondering what was wrong with me, questioning why people eventually pull away. At first, I am fun and detached, but as time goes on, I start to rely on what others offer me. When that love fades, when that connection disappears, I spiral into a reckless frenzy of sorrow.

This morning, I realized I’ve just been trying to escape my pain, trying to ignore the fact that I am searching for something outside of myself. I do well on my own. I feel I have mastered solitude. I know how to entertain myself, how to take care of myself, how to love myself. But when I enter a relationship, I become needy.

I know I need connection. I know I need love. But I must be willing to let people love and connect with me in their own ways, not just in the ways I expect or demand them to. I don’t know what this world holds for me in terms of connection, but I do know that I will continue to know and love myself. I will continue to reflect and heal. One experience at a time.

I’ve had a day of wonderful moments and difficulties, fueled by anxiety and my anxious attachment style and my conscious brain trying to make sense of my world right now. I’m realizing just how much I needed this heartbreak. When I initially declared, “Two years single!” I said it with anger—anger at all the men who had crossed my path and anger at myself for allowing them to get close enough to touch me. I didn’t go into it with a true purpose. Be single and alone was all that was in my mind.

The truth I am facing is that I needed someone to show me true love and care, only to walk away. I needed it so I could finally face the part of me that still needed healing. My anxious attachment.

As I spiraled today, songs and articles kept showing up in my feed, all centered on anxious attachment during a breakup. I checked off every symptom, and while it didn’t feel great, it shone a light on why I was spiraling. So, I started searching: How to heal anxious attachment after a breakup.

Surprisingly, there’s a wealth of information out there! One article, accompanied by videos, resonated deeply with me. It has put me on a path that I believe will finally start my healing journey.

We can resent the algorithms, AI, and the eerie feeling that our phones are “listening” to us, but sometimes they lead us exactly where we need to go. They also reveal what we’re obsessing over.

Right now, I feel such relief. I know the healing process will ebb and flow, but I finally have more tools to help me navigate it. For anyone struggling with this as I do, this has been the most helpful resource I’ve come across in a long time.

How to Get Over An Ex: Healing Anxious Attachment Style

Tag: self-compassion

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